Time to pour my heart out

If TV has taught us anything, it is that men never express their feelings adequately. So I have decided to express my feelings publicly. Better yet, I will just let Dee Snider and the boys from Twisted Sister express them for me.




This is the anthem of the week. Just in case you were wondering.

Slowly the ball rolls

Some people who read this blog regularly know that I have decided to abandon the whole 4-5 piece musical group playing local shows. I feel (you like that, Mike?) it to have been nothing but a drag since I started it up again...and this includes the time I spent with the mildly successful Ekosphere. Successful in that we had gotten to a point where promoters were inviting us to play at some pretty good sized venues. Bands suffer from too much drama, and not enough gratification out of the music as a whole. The truth is that most bands end up falling apart because everyone has their own ideas and vision of what their music should be about. The slim minority that manage to find like-minded musicians are the folks that we hear on the radio and are still together after the 5 year average lifespan of a signed act.

I have not given up on music, however. Instead, I am going to set my sights on an idea I had many years ago when I was in high school. Because I am smart, I will not disclose this idea on a public forum only to have it ripped away from me. It doesn't take a lawyer to figure that out. It does take a law school graduate, though to get this thing rolling faster. Because I think it is a bad idea to have any one person arrange music at the scale I plan to have it arranged, I went to Mike with my idea and asked him more or less if he would like to arrange the music with me. He seems to be quite open to it, as I thought he might, because he and I had already discussed doing something similar in our "band"...if you want to call it that. The ball got a nudge in the right direction.

All the arrangement in the world means nothing unless you know you have competant musicians to pull it off -- if nothing else than for the recording. So I asked a couple buddies, one a drummer, the other a guitarist/keyboardist if they would be willing to do the recordings. I still need to speak to Jeff on the matter. I did not divulge any details other than I am trying to get something together and when the time comes to record, if they would be willing to lay out some tracks for me. I have only heard from the drummer, but he is all for it. This is good. So the ball gets another little nudge in the right direction.

The nice thing about what I am doing is that success would not be based on any particular age (performer-wise), radio play, nor would it be based on a "record deal". A project like this can succeed on its own merit. Worst case scenario: we put together some great sounding music and record it to posterity.

At any rate, I will post more information on my secret project as it develops.

Not entirely what I expected...

So Apocalypto was not quite the historical epic I had hoped it to be. There were a lot of things that were spot on as far as what the Spaniards and archaeology have dictated, but other things that are compleyely unbelievable. Allow me to bullet point first the truths, then the fiction.

Truths:

• The unnamed Mayan city's military goes on campaigns not for conquest or simply to kill, but to acquire sacrificial victims to bring back to the city.
• In keeping with the post-classic, "Aztecized" era, the sacrifices first involve the removal of the heart. Then the thohroughly Mayan practice of humiliation by decapitation with the subsequent rolling of first the head, then the lifeless body down the stairs of the temple (pyramid if you will).
• The Mayan realm having not just cities, but tribes living in villages. This was certainly the case. Though the religion is the same, not everyone in the area lived in cities nor were they as sophisticated.
• The Mayan temples were painted red from top to bottom.

Fiction:

• The tribal folk don't know why they have been captured and forced to walk to the city. Also, they don't know these large cities exist. Even though they share many of the same cultural aspects. Believe me...EVERYONE in el Mundo Maya knew of the existence of the cities.
• The people in the cities behaved like the islanders from the most recent King Kong movie. They behaved like savages. I find it hard to believe that a people who became so advanced in...oh, everything could be so maniacal. With the exception of the sacrifice thing, the Maya were about as sophisticated and civilized as the Atheneans.

That is actually all that was incorrect about the movie. In fact, the latter bullet point was so disturbing that I am glad they only dedicated about 10 minutes to city scenes. The rest of it took place in the rainforest. Oh, there is one other incorrect scene. The protagonist's wife falls in a well on her stomach trying to escape and lands on her stomach. She appeared to be about 6 or 7 months pregnant. Instead of aborting the pregnancy, this event causes her to go into labor and deliver a healthy 12 pound baby. O...k...

The awesomness of the movie begins as the protagonist begins his escape and the small band of military folk chase him into the jungle. They all die glorious deaths...one gets his face crushed by a jaguar, another gets his head bashed and blood spurts out to the beat of his pulse, another gets impaled by a tapir hunting trap, and the list goes on. Although, the coolest thing in the movie was the use of a hive full of pissed off bees being used as a projectile into the vicious band of marauders.

All in all, the movie was quite good and well worth the wait. It also reminded me of how absolutely gorgeous the Yucatan is. I really want to go back.

I am so glad I don't have to work tomorrow

Yup. That says it all. Anyone who has read any of my blogs probably knows why. My job sucks the life out of me. I get paid peanuts to deal with the trashiest trash life has to offer. It actually has me questioning my career decision. Or more to the point, how I am going about my career decision.

I have worked most of my adult life in the sales industry. With sales, one must posess a high degree of customer service skills. Skills I know I posess, otherwise that year I was on track for about $70,000 wouldn't have been possible. Also, I would not get hired at every job I apply for (usually the same day). I can sell peace of mind. These skills have never failed me.

Now that I work in a low-income area, the skills I have developed sometimes seem obsolete. For instance, some poor chick with no teeth wants to get her percocet - the only thing she clearly has to live for. She asks me to call the doctor to get authorization on the fill. I explain that because percocet is made from opium, it is designated as a class 2 drug. Because it is class 2, we cannot take phone-in prescriptions on it. That would be illegal. She will need to get a hard copy, signed prescription before we could fill it for her.

Somehow, it is all our (the company's) fault. She flies through the roof telling me how badly she "needs" it and how we are screwing her. Part of me wants to tell her to bugger off and that I have no interest in her voluntary addictions. But instead, someone else at work does it for me (not in so many words) because I won't. I always try to take the appeasement road. So far, it has never worked with the perpetually ignorant. Ironically, these are also the people living in America's lower class. I think I will assume the "take no crap" attitude as well. It seems to be the only language these people understand.

Poor old people on about 17 different medications are usually no better as they are not good stewards of their meds and their refills are never on the same schedule. This is because the prescriptions are written at different times often by different doctors. Of course, this is all our fault too.

Anyway, I have been thinking about my options in pharmacy. I will never have to deal with these people (not directly anyway) in the hospital, mail order, military, or clinical settings. I am considering going that route after I am certified. Or, maybe I will hit up for a transfer in an area of town that is middle to upper middle class. I trained at a store like that, and I dealt with maybe 2 of the junky or vitriolic elderly varieties.

I love the medical field, especially the pharmaceutical end. But some of the people dependent on it can be a real drag. So it is nice not to have to work on Monday. One extra day of rest. Plus, my summer class starts on Tuesday, so I am really in need of that extra day to reset my mind.

Kristin is getting really close to birthing the baby. Something happened the other day that signifies the beginning of the end. Since she knows how to access my blog now, I will not discuss publicly what that is.

Tonight, she and I will at long last watch "Apocalypto". This is a much anticipated movie for me as it is set in the Mayan world. It is actually a travesty I have not been able to see it until now. I am looking forward to Kristin seeing this movie especially because I don't know anybody that knows as much about the Maya as I do (at least not anyone I ever talk to), and maybe this will entice her to read more about the subject so we can have something to talk about.

The movie is set in the Post-classic era of Mayan civilization. My clues to this are the Aztec-style sacrifices and the fact that at the end of the movie, apparently Spanish Galleons are seen off the coast of the Yucatan. The movie is all subtitled as the language being spoken is Ycatec, a Mayan dialect still widely spoken today in the modern days Mexican states of Yucatan and Quintana Roo.

Anyway, I will post my thoughts on the movie on my next post.

I almost forgot...

...to post this week's anthem. I heard this song on the radio earlier this week after not having heard it in a long time, and have been feeling it ever since. I give you The Cult's "Fire Woman".




Just for laugh's, here is another song they did called "she Sells Sanctuary". Good song, but doesn't the singer bear a remarkable resemblance to the gay pirate Johnny Depp portrays?

The broken system my tax dollars pay for

Ok, so I found out more about the guy that OD'd in the bathroom at work last night. Turns out he was arrested just last week for doing the exact same thing at another Walgreens. One of the officers that came to the store was actually the one who actually arrested this kid. The policeman even remembered the boy's name.

He just got out of jail a couple hours before all of this took place.

It gets worse. The store's general manager actually knows about this guy doing similar things at some of the other stores he has worked at.

Upon hearing this information, one has to wonder why Arizona state law, by and large a great state as far as laws go (compared to places like Ca, NY, Ma, Md, and the like), has such loose drug laws. Why would someone with a record of drug abuse be kept for only a week? Why wouldn't a judge throw the book at him? Have liberals started writing our books?

Maybe I just have a distorted view of how things roll in Az. Still though, it is better than the state you live in. Unless you live here, in which case, it doesn't get better.

I'm an enabler

Here is the problem with allowing people to buy needles without any restrictions whatsoever:

This guy no older than 21 years tops comes to the pick up window at about...oh, 915 or so. He asks for 1.0 cc 29 gauge syringes for his fiancee who apparently has type I diabetes. He said that the thinner 31 gauge needles had a tendency to break when busting through the membrane on the insulin vial. He even mentioned a specific brand name of the insulin (either Novolin or Humulin). There was a clear scent of alchohol on him, but so far, he has done nothing illegal or suspicious. When it is time to pay, he turns to some random people behind him to see if they had a dollar he could borrow. After he gets a "no", he turns around and hands me a $20. Bear in mind that a pack of 10 needles costs only $2.49. At this point, I am really wondering about this guy...why would he ask for a dollar when he has more than plenty to cover the cost. Still though, nothing illegal, so I conclude the transaction. After we are done, he asks where the bathroom is. I tell him and he is on his way. I helped the folks behind him, and after they leave, the Pharmacist, John, said something to the effect of, "It's always nice when we can assist people with their heroin addictions." Of course, he was being sarcastic.

Holy irony, Batman!

So at about 10pm I was counting the last register when one of the guys from the photo department tells me that someone has OD'd in the men's bathroom. As you may have summized, it was the antagonist of this little tale. Of course, I felt like an idiot because I could have refused the sale. But on what grounds? That he was a little drunk? To deny someone their diabetic supplies (in this case an assumed innocent) really didn't seem like the right thing to do. This guy used the correct jargon to convince me that he knew what he was talking about.

There was no confirmation by the time I left that he used any needles. I guess there is a remote chance that the needle sale was on the up and up and just snorted a rail of blow off the toilet seat, but chances are heroin or some other injectable was at play. Certainly not insulin though.

I did nothing illegal. I did not (as yet) even have to make a statement. I don't even feel bad for the guy. What he did, he brought on himself. As I saw the paremedics fastening him to the gurney, I thought to myself, "serves him right." This guy will get detoxed, go to court, and I have the feeling he will be joining his ilk in Tent City. For those who don't know what that is, it is exactly what it sounds like. A city of tents where he will be just another link in a chain gang forced to wear pink and do hard labor out in the scorching sun. Yeah, he chose a horrible time of year for this. After his time is served, it will be off to rehab. If I am worng about the process, maybe Mike can clear it up.

On a lighter note, I bought the tickets for the Dream Theater show tonight. There will be six in our group. It will be Jeff, Mike, Steph, Justin, Heather, and myself. It shall be a jolly good time.

Jayden has conquered some of his hydrophobia (he inherited it from me). Up until yesterday, all he would do is monkey walk aaround the pool. As long as he had a wall to hold, he was ok being in the pool. Now, all of a sudden, he is swimming in the middle of the pool. He tells me it is because I made him go with me a few times in the past week. I seem to remember having that exact conversation with my dad when I was younger.

And the circle of life keeps on rollin'. Cuz it don't stop.

Much needed rest

Though this weekend was quite busy, I found myself waking up this morning surprisingly refreshed. A refreshment I very much needed after some of the trials of the preceeding week. Nothing major, just a series of several small trials that don't really merit discussion. But my weekend activities do...at least for me.

After work on Friday, I joined Mike for an evening of dorkery at Gamer's Inn for their weekly Friday Night Magic tournaments. I did not pay the $5 buy-in as my intention was merely to observe and have some random friendly matches with whomever was available to do so. Afterwards, Mike and I came back to my place and played some games of our own. Just like in our Star Wars card days, Mike and I played a game that, no joke, lasted the better part of an hour and a half. Most games last 15 minutes or so. It was quite funny.

Saturday, Jeremy and his family came over to celebrate Derrick's 11th birthday. I bought a grill the day before, so we barbecued and engaged in recreational swimming in the poool my townhouse overlooks. Jennifer made a chocolate cake by Derrick's request. As I suspected, Derrick wanted nothing to do with the cake once it was served. Why? Because Derrick doesn't like cake. He doesn't like a whole lot of sweet foods. I think it is downright un-American. Anyway, I saw the same look in his mother's eyes as I had seen in Kristin's in the preceeding years: that "Why the Hell did you ask for this cake when you won't eat it?" look. Jennifer joked that next year, she will just make him cornbread instead. Ironically, Derrick was all excited about that. So next year, we will all be sharing his birthday cornbread.

On Sunday, I made a delicious Greek feast of chicken souvlaki and Greek salad. Using the souvlaki marinade, I sauteed a mixture of sliced red onion, green pepper, and roma tomatoes. We also had Tzatziki sauce (a cucumber-based condiment) for dippin'. All of it on top of rice pilaf, and some pita bread on the side for grabbin'. Souvlaki is a figer food afterall. Kristin made a peach cobbler that was, as usual when she bakes, outstanding. Since I never cook in moderation when I do get off my lazy butt to cook, we invited the in-laws out to help us eat the food.

After they left, Kristin and I settled down to watch our traditional movie. Last night's was "Deja Vu". The movie was entertaining, but I am glad I didn't pay to see it in the theaters. Next week, we hope to watch Apocalypto. My hopes aren't too high because it comes out on Tuesday and will likely not stay on the shelves at blockbuster for very long. That is sometimes a drag. I do have to say that this Blockbuster Total Access thing is really more than paying for itself.

The last bit of fun I had last night was after the movie, I turned on the computer and found out another tomb was discovered in Egypt. Well, they announced it anyway. Likely, it was discovered one or two years ago. Usually, when something is discovered, the ESCA (Egyptian Supreme Council of Antiquities) needs to be notified. Afterwards, there is an inspection, and then security protocols are initiated, and then, finally a press conference is permitted. I guess when your country has been victimized by treasure hunters for a few centuries, you take things slow when the words "intact" and "tomb" are in the same sentence together.

The tomb was of a courtier living in Middle Egypt around the modern town of Minya. This is a relatively uncharted (Egyptologically speaking) area of the country, and the best area for new finds. Unfortunately, the politics of the area keep it slow moving for new discoveries. Let's just say that middle Egyptians are not the warm folks their counterparts in Cairo, Alexandria, Luxor, Aswan, or Sharm El Sheikh are. At any rate, the finding was of First Intermediate Period date, and contained the sealed coffin (mummy inside), and some wood figurines depicting daily life in the area. This is a common find in that part of Egypt.

Anyway, this week may be the week Kristin pops. She is already 2 cm dilated and her contractions are getting more and more frequent. This would work out well for me if she does have the baby this week because I start school next Tuesday, and I really don't want to have to miss any school if I can avoid it.

I Don't Believe in Love

I'll just cut to the chase here. The anthem this week is a song by one of my personal favorite Bands, Queensryche. The title of the song is the same as the title of this post. To reallly understand the song lyrically, one must listen to all of the songs preceeding it on the concept album, "operation: Mindcrime". Just focus on the coolness of the music.

Mike, I promise I will get you some Queensryche soon.

Truer words...

My 11th grade English teacher once said that truth is stranger than fiction: that people cannot make up anything remotely as far fetched as the oddities of reality. That was probably the one thing I took from that class.

Every now and again, I am reminded of how very, very spot on she was. Today, however I had a conversation with a patient that proved my teacher's theory with resounding authority. In fact, after reading this, you all might just join me in petitioning the theory into scientific law.

At about 830 this morning, one of our more elderly patients came in to order a refill on one of her several medications. We will call her Mrs. Chickpea (I have to abide by HIPPA laws). My boss, Stefanie and the senior tech, Trisha asked me to help the person at the counter (remember this for later). She had a thick mustache and beard. Actually, it was a classic Fu Man Shu thing going on. Quite disturbing. I have to admit, I had to look like a deer in the headlights. At any rate, we get the prescription ordered. I quoted her a 15 to 20 minute wait time. All indications were that she was going to wait for us to call her to the registers when the script was filled.

What happens next is where things take a turn for the inane. About 5 minutes after sending the script through to be filled, Trisha told me that Mrs. Chickpea was back at the counter. At this point I couldn't help but notice Trisha and Stefanie fading behind the pill racks. I attend to Mrs. Chickpea like a good boy only to have the following conversation. This is the God's honest, hand on the Bible truth. In the succeeding diologue, my parts will be in bold, and Mrs. Chickpea's will be in italics.

Hey there.

How much longer will it be?

Still another five to ten minutes. Like I said, we will call you when it is ready.

How much will it be?

$60 dollars.

Ok, can I have one of my blank checks so I can start writing it?

...3 second pause...

I'm sorry, can you repeat that?

I just need one of my blank checks so I can get started writing it out for the $60 dollars.

Uh, we don't have your blank checks here.

Laughter is heard coming from the pill racks.

Sure you do. I have prescriptions filled here all the time. You should have my insurance in the system.

At this point, my left eyebrow is raised well into my hairline. Unintentional non sequiturs are very confounding. Meanwhile the laughter turns into a roar that apparently the photo department could hear.

Yes, your insurance is in our system, but we do not hold your blank checks here. That can't be legal.

Well, I don't want to go home and then come all the way back here with a check. I would rather just have you give me a check.

I understand that you don't want to go home and come back, but I can't help you there. As I have said, we don't have your checks here.

*sigh* Well, I guess I will send my husband here with a check to pick it up since you won't help me.

End scene.

Ok, was I not direct and concise? Was my vocabulary not easy to decipher?

So Stef and Trisha come out of the woodwork in tears because of laughter. Ne'er have they heard something so inane. It turns out that they did not want to help her. She is a regular, and something off the wall always spews from her hairy mouth. Never though, had her comments or requests been so inane. I feel like I should have won an award. They told me that having dealt with Mrs. Chickpea, I had arrived as a tech at Walgreens store #3591. Gee, thanks ladies.

It was funny though. It was very hard not to laugh at this lady. Her request was just so stupid. And what is more stupid is that she kept making the request. So Mrs Chickpe, I dedicate the following video to you. Because you Dare to be Stupid.

Tribute to my mother

It is Mother's Day and I though it would be appropriate to write some thoughts and memories of my mother, Pam Ketterer.

I remember the day I met her. When my mother was dying and was 100% confined to a machine beside her bed, mom (Pam) brought food for us a couple of times. With all the hours she worked at her school, not to mention being a single mom recently separated from her husband at the time, she still found time to prepare meals for myself and my three siblings. Dad couldn't because he was doing the evening weather broadcast at the Washington, DC Fox affiliate, Channel 5. Other women from church also did the same, but Mom is really the only one that sticks in my mind. Her sense of charity is something I am very grateful to have been exposed to over the course of my life. I also came to find out a couple years later that she and my dying mother had a few conversations when the meals were brought to us, and they got along quite well. Bear in mind that my father had not met mom quite yet.

So my biological mother had passed away, and my Dad was back to dating. He met mom not too far into that process and they went out an unknown-to-me amount of times. They decided to take the relationship to the next level and introduce our two respective families to eachother. We all met at Chuck E Cheese (when it was a fun place to go). Mom brought her two kids, Mar and Sondra, and Dad, of course, brought Jeremy, Jen, Jacob, and I along. When I saw that she was the one Dad had been talking about, I remember thinking "I remember her!" Anyway, the alpha test was a success. We got along with mom, and maybe more importantly to my parents, we got along well with Marc and Sondra. Marc is two months Jeremy's junior, and Sondra is almost three months Jacob's senior. So the ages they fell in fit nicely with two of my siblings.

On April 3rd 1986, they got married. This was the same day her divorce was finalized. Already, the four of us had been calling her Mom, just as Marc and Sondra were already calling my father Dad. However, there is chaos that comes with combining families. Working as a school teacher, Mom knew what kind of things kids would respond to, and how to eliminate some of the chaos. She was more or less the think tank in the early part of our new family. She initiated a program she referred to as "personal days". On a rotating basis, every child would get a day that is theirs, on a Monday through Friday basis. She went in order of birth, so I was first. If there were errands to run that day, she would take that person with her, and usually the end result was a stop for ice cream or candy or something like that. It was our choice. We always looked forward to our days with Mom (and Dad if he wasn't working). This went on for years, but appropriately ceased when a certain level of balance was acheived.

I remember a trip to the doctor's office when we lived in Colorado. I needed a physical for school, so mom took me down to Denver to get it. I asked her if I was going to get any shots, she told me "no". Turns out, I did need shots. Three of them. Apparently I looked at her as though she betrayed me. She felt so bad that she took me straight away after the pokings to get a GI Joe. All was forgiven. In retrospect though, there was really no way of her knowing about the shots.

Mom has also been my biggest supporter musically. Anyone in my family can tell you that I used to have no focus. I would easily get bored with almost anything. Music was different. Mom knew (and knows) that I am largely right-brained. With that, she felt if I took up an instrument, maybe I would be able to focus on something positive. So in the 6th grade, she got me my first trombone and I was in band class. I stuck with band until I graduated high school. She also convinced my father when I was 14 to get me a bass. She saw how badly I wanted to play rock music, and understood the passion behind my desire. She took me to my first Rush concert (Roll the Bones tour, first leg) and was blown away. She and I had a loooong conversation on the way home about how Geddy Lee was the primary reason I though bass was absolutely the instrument I wanted to play. About a month later, I had my first bass. Thanks entirely to Mom. She has also been able to watch me perform bass on 4 occasions. Twice when I was in the pit orchestra for musicals in High School, and then twice on stage in a rock setting. She saw me play the first time when I was a senior in High school, and a second time in August 2004 when I played at Alice Cooperstown in my latest endeavor, Ekosphere.

She also fed my love for Egypt. When I was in the 5th grade, she chaperoned a field trip to the Denver Museum of Natural History to see the travelling "Ramses II" exhibit. About two seconds into it, I was mesmerized. If an article or something along those lines was published, she would make sure to get it to me. She also a couple years back bought me a very well written book on the subject. It wasn't my birthday, or Christmas or anything like that. She sent it to me just because she thought I would like it. Those can sometimes be the most touching gifts of all. Again, going back to her charitable nature. Giving just to give.

She has also been a banner grandmother to my boys. When you see your mother looking on your kids with the kind of love mine does, it puts a feeling over you that really can't be expressed with the dignity it deserves. The list of things go on and on.

So Mom, this was for you. I miss you and I love you very much. These past 21 years have been a blessing to me. You are very much appreciated. I want you to know that.

"Less chat, more splat"

Boy, Mike said it. Tonight Kristin and I went out on a double date (like in high school) with Mike and Steph. We took in Spiderman 3. Well, if you refer to the title of this post, you may notice that the movie needed a higher splat to chat ratio. The movie was about 2 1/2 hours long, and in all that maybe, maybe 15 collective minutes were dedicated to action. Granted, the production team managed to extract an astonishing amount of high quality visual effects out of those 15 minutes, but there really wasn't enough of it. I am not the type that just likes action sequences as I understand the value of a good story, but the story at hand really did not need to take 2 hours and 15 minutes of talking to get across.

Oh, but there was a gem in all the talking. I don't want to ruin anything, but I will just say that, though hokey, the black "venom" suit makes Peter Parker very funny.

Here are the elements That made the movie enjoyable:

The action sequences
The antics of "dark side" Peter
The emergence of Venom. The actual Venom. Big mouth and everything. THe CGI dudes really paid attention to detail with him. Also the fact that Eric freakin' Foreman pulled the Brock/Venom character of with unprecedented precision. The only issue I have is that far too little time was given to Venom. Hopefully, if they make another movie, Venom will be the main villain. It was almost as depressing as Star Wars episode 3 where you get to see Vader in the suit, but no Vader fights after the suit is applied.

Oh yeah, and Lloyd from Wings was Sandman. A special effects wonder, but otherwise not important.

Anyway, I digress. My critique is this: Spiderman is worth seeing in the theaters, but don't pay full price. See it as a matinee or something. If you have kids, wait until it comes out on DVD so they can skip the sometimes 20 minutes of solid talking and get right to the parts we all know they want to see.

Tomorrow is Mother's day, and I will be spending time with my family and my in-laws. Afterwards, Kristin and I will watch our weekly movie. Not sure what that will be yet. I also plan to post individual tributes to both my mother and Kristin. Tributes they likely won't read. Not because they wouldn't want to, but more because Kristin vaguely knows I post the occasional blog, and my Mom, though she has heard about this and has vistied at least once does not frequent here often. Although, maybe she does. We never really talk about it. This is mostly for me anyway.

12 more credits under my belt

With finals having ended this week, I have been granted a week and a half of school free bliss before once again grinding away for the summer. This is the fewest credit hours I have taken in school in a long while. I guess when you have 3 hour labs in two of your classes, it messes upo your availability to do more. Plus, those classes were not easy, so I am glad I only did what I did. I will be taking a 4 credit hour chemistry class this summer, and then in the fall, I will be taking a mere 11. My calculus class is only 3 credit hours, so it keeps me below the full time status. Maybe I will take a bowling class or something to take me into "full time" status.

Work has been particularly rough this week. Maybe it is the heat. We have reached unseasonable highs of 100 - 104 degrees over the latter part of the week. I guess that is when all of the hopeless idiots come out of hibernation. The grind has been hard. I am glad I only have to invest 8 hours more of my time this week before getting a much needed mental vacation.

Due to the nature of this week, the anthem for May 11 to 18 is Skid Row's Slave to the Grind. Straight up metal...nothing "hair" about it.

Happy Birthday, Mom

It is that time of year again. Tomorrow, May 7 would be my mother's 53rd birthday. I never dwell long on her untimely death anymore. I have had 21 years to let it soak in. In fact, I only put a lot of thought into it every year around her birthday, and the day she succomed to liver cancer (January 5 1986). During these times, I often wonder what she would look like. What path would I have taken having not had to deal with such a traumatic experience so early in my life. I was eight at the time, and I can remember very vividly the impact it had on my younger siblings. My brother Jeremy and sister Jen took it very hard. My youngest brother, Jacob, was barely three. I can't imagine the sense of confusion he must have been dealing with. When I consider them, especially Jacob, it breaks my heart. I look at my own kids and think "What if the same thing happened to them now?" Jayden is about as old as Jeremy was, and Joshua is almost as old as Jacob was. I literally get a headache when these thoughts come to mind. I know I shouldn't think this way, but it is hard not to having gone through what I have been through.

This is by no means a plea for pity. I just never have articulated some of these thoughts publicly. It took years to come to terms with what happened. I always told myself I was fine, but in 2002, Dream Theater (I know...again with the Dream Theater) released an album. On the first disc, the last song "Disappear" ends with some lyrics I would like to share. They read:

So I'm moving on
I'll never forget
As you lay there and watched me
Accepting the end
I knew you were scared
You were strong I was trying
I gave you my hand
I said it's okay letting go time to leave here
And I'll carry on
The best that I can without you here beside me
Let him come take you home

With the exception of the first line, that was very similar to what actually might have been the last conversation I had with my mother. I am sure I wasn't as poetic, but I was certainly as profound. After hearing that song the first time, I kept going back to that segment and listened to it over and over again. Then a sense of peace came over me. For years, I guess I was never really sure I had dealt with Mom's death (and the watching her slowly die) well. I realized at that moment that the conversation we had was exactly the conversation we needed to have. Seeing her in pain as I had in the months preceding her death was worse than her death itself. She needed to know I loved her, and that I would be strong.

My Dad would later remarry, and life would carry on. Even though Mom (current) and I have bumped heads on more than one occasion as I was struggling with myself over all of this, she is a rock I know I can lean on whenever I need to. I very much love her and appreciate the sacrifices she has made for me. I won't go into too much detail as I plan to post a mothers day blog for her next week. So I will leave it there for right now.

This upcoming week has three finals in two days for me. Then, for about two weeks, I will have a much needed rest from school before picking it up for another eight weeks in the summer.

Yesterday, Jeremy and his family came out to my place. Jennifer went to Kristin's baby shower initially, but then they came back and I sprung for some KFC. I was feeling a hair efnik. I was upset that they had no collared greens, chitlins, watermelon, or red kool-aid.

Last night, I got together with friends at Mike's place. At Christina's request, I brough Boxers or Briefs with me. Other than Mike, Steph, and Christina, Jeff joined us as did Danielle, one of Steph's friends. As always, we had a great time. One of the best things about hanging out with these guys is that everyone is positive, and we are always laughing. Good times. Always good times.

Blow you away!

Tonight, I finished this semester of regular classes. All I have left are my finals which will be on Monday and Tuesday. Monday will yield Chemistry and Math, Tuesday will be Biology. I wasn't going to take my math final because I thought my grade was high enough. My teacher gave us the option to take our semester grade, or to drop one test and take the final. Well, I thought I had an A, but I only had an 88%. If I take and bomb this test, the worst I will leave with is a low B, which in GPA standards, is the same as a high B. If I get at least a 75%, I will get an A. It is worth a shot.

The other night, Jeff proposed something I had pretty much been considering myself. Instead of spinning our wheels with other musicians, it would be best to make a simple recording with a drum machine, then take said recording to a studio drummer, pay him to lay actual drum tracks, and then take that to have a demo of our music. Then, we will pursue other musicians who know exactly what our music is like. Not that we would pass up a deal to jam before hand, we just aren't going to look too hard anymore.

Speaking of music - and this part is for Mike (Seppy) more than anyone, this week's anthem (runs on a Friday-Thursday basis) is "Modern Day Cowboy" by Tesla. If you have it (and you do Mike) crank that up at least once per day. Side affects include all that is \m/

I will also post the original music video (if available) each week. If not, I will try to find a live one or something. But this week, I have the original, undyingly cheesy video. Even still, the song rules and is a perfect example of how music used to be about energy and creativity, not about depression and negativity as it largely is now. Anyway, enjoy!

The scrotal percolations are imminent!

Thanks to my brother from another mother, Mike Seppy, I have heard Dream Theater's "Constant Motion" from their yet-to-be-released album "Systematic Chaos". Out of respect for the band, I will not post it here, but if you are interested, there are several sites *coughyoutubecough* where you can locate it. They have gone down quite the heavy road with this song. The last few albums have been getting progressively heavier. This is fine by me because if it is one thing that DT is good at, it is reinventing themselves with every album release. This my friends, is the true nature of what it is to be a prog band. Anyway, if this song is any indication of what else may be in store, I have the feeling that a wad shall be blown.

Today was my last day of Chemistry. My final is on Monday. We had our last regular exam today. Before hand, I met with a couple people from my class to study. At first, we studied our notes, but then something occurred to me. So far, our exams had little, if any, information that was conveyed in class. I suggested that maybe we should study the things our less than adequate teacher didn't go over. This turned out to be to our benefit because (as we suspected) we were once again responsible for knowing concepts that were never taught. Nice, huh? So far, the highest test grade has been 49 out of 100...so this is where the curve has been set on numerous exams.

I feel I did very well. Somewhere in the vacinity of 85-90%. Sorry about the curve, folks.

Tomorrow I will close the book on Biology (less my final on Tuesday). Well, for the summer anyway. I have more Bio ahead of me for the remainder of my schooling.

It is time I got ready for work. I get to close, which means it will be slow. I get to get paid for doing almost nothing. Good times.

The rollercoaster rolls on down...

...Or does it?

It seems that Anthony and Jon have decided to move on in a different direction. I can't say I was incredibly surprised, but initially, I was a little disappointed. I will briefly explain, but since I think the details are the business of only Mike, Jeff, and myself, I will keep it short.

There was a lot about us they liked. They really liked Mike's singing (he was spot on all night), they liked the song Jeff wrote, and they liked my bass playing. They even asked me if I wanted to be their bass player. Every band I have tried out for has offered me a position in their band. I know I am good at what I do, but I try to be humble about it. As good as I am, I can think of plenty who are better. Some even in the local scene. Anyway, as flattering as it was, I have more or less married myself to Mike and Jeff. The best part of this band is that I get to play with good friends. It is almost like hanging out.

I mentioned before that I was disappointed initially. I had gotten my hopes up a little. I thought we jelled well. Then I thought about the fact that eventually, the more progressive endeavors such as The Oblivion Path would become an obstacle. I knew that wouldn't fly, particularly the with the drummer. At least that was the impression I was left with after practice.

So now we are back to looking for musicians. I am at a loss as to how to find them, so any suggestions would be great.

So that is that.

Below, you will find a video Mike shot of my band Ekosphere back when we were in separate bands. In fact, our respective bands is how Mike and I met (Jeff too). It is a cover of Evanescence's "Everybody's Fool". A song I would be happy if I never heard again.