Truer words...

My 11th grade English teacher once said that truth is stranger than fiction: that people cannot make up anything remotely as far fetched as the oddities of reality. That was probably the one thing I took from that class.

Every now and again, I am reminded of how very, very spot on she was. Today, however I had a conversation with a patient that proved my teacher's theory with resounding authority. In fact, after reading this, you all might just join me in petitioning the theory into scientific law.

At about 830 this morning, one of our more elderly patients came in to order a refill on one of her several medications. We will call her Mrs. Chickpea (I have to abide by HIPPA laws). My boss, Stefanie and the senior tech, Trisha asked me to help the person at the counter (remember this for later). She had a thick mustache and beard. Actually, it was a classic Fu Man Shu thing going on. Quite disturbing. I have to admit, I had to look like a deer in the headlights. At any rate, we get the prescription ordered. I quoted her a 15 to 20 minute wait time. All indications were that she was going to wait for us to call her to the registers when the script was filled.

What happens next is where things take a turn for the inane. About 5 minutes after sending the script through to be filled, Trisha told me that Mrs. Chickpea was back at the counter. At this point I couldn't help but notice Trisha and Stefanie fading behind the pill racks. I attend to Mrs. Chickpea like a good boy only to have the following conversation. This is the God's honest, hand on the Bible truth. In the succeeding diologue, my parts will be in bold, and Mrs. Chickpea's will be in italics.

Hey there.

How much longer will it be?

Still another five to ten minutes. Like I said, we will call you when it is ready.

How much will it be?

$60 dollars.

Ok, can I have one of my blank checks so I can start writing it?

...3 second pause...

I'm sorry, can you repeat that?

I just need one of my blank checks so I can get started writing it out for the $60 dollars.

Uh, we don't have your blank checks here.

Laughter is heard coming from the pill racks.

Sure you do. I have prescriptions filled here all the time. You should have my insurance in the system.

At this point, my left eyebrow is raised well into my hairline. Unintentional non sequiturs are very confounding. Meanwhile the laughter turns into a roar that apparently the photo department could hear.

Yes, your insurance is in our system, but we do not hold your blank checks here. That can't be legal.

Well, I don't want to go home and then come all the way back here with a check. I would rather just have you give me a check.

I understand that you don't want to go home and come back, but I can't help you there. As I have said, we don't have your checks here.

*sigh* Well, I guess I will send my husband here with a check to pick it up since you won't help me.

End scene.

Ok, was I not direct and concise? Was my vocabulary not easy to decipher?

So Stef and Trisha come out of the woodwork in tears because of laughter. Ne'er have they heard something so inane. It turns out that they did not want to help her. She is a regular, and something off the wall always spews from her hairy mouth. Never though, had her comments or requests been so inane. I feel like I should have won an award. They told me that having dealt with Mrs. Chickpea, I had arrived as a tech at Walgreens store #3591. Gee, thanks ladies.

It was funny though. It was very hard not to laugh at this lady. Her request was just so stupid. And what is more stupid is that she kept making the request. So Mrs Chickpe, I dedicate the following video to you. Because you Dare to be Stupid.